On my back, eyes closed, I am comforted in the presence of gravity. The space behind my eyes grows and expands until a vague light appears. I sense my whole body and the boundaries separating me and everything external blurs. My body is a control tower where I can venture inside and touch anything in the universe. I experience my subtle body, electricity travelling through my nervous system, information in the form of water, in the fascia that connects my toes to my tongue. I experience the sensation of being pliable. From the vague light behind my eyes, I see a ball of weighted clay morphing, like invisible hands stretching limbs, shaping fluidly without pausing. My nervous system intertwines with this clay image, my sensations coordinate attuning to the shifting shapes. My subtle movements gradually increase until I push myself to my feet. My eyes, half-closed, looking at nothing, enjoy dancing with shape-shifting self-perception. My hands drift to my eyes and an electric sensation roots in my cervix and jolts through my stomach and stations in my chest, which contracts and initiates incredible trembling sobs, like the beginning of a big cry. My jaw unhinges and I exhale aggressively, pushing out more than breath. I pull my hands away from my eyes and take the morphing clay ball with me. My hands move the ball around my body in circular motions. The muscles relax and blood flow increases in the areas it touches. I continue to move in circular motions with my eyes closed, sensing walls and avoiding obstacles.

When I open my eyes, my vision is black for a moment too long for my comfort, and my tongue craves cold soil. I am moved to the kitchen and take a beet from the fridge. I separate the root from the stem then take time to remove the skin with a large, sharpened chopping knife. Filaments of dirt and red juice scatter the cutting board; I am peeling the skin very thin and in one consecutive spiral- halfway through I focus on the knife and the piece breaks. I take the exposed beet into my left hand and its skin in my right and move us under the open window in the room in which I was just dancing. The atmosphere is full of sweat. I inhale cold outside air, exhale, and take a bite of the beet in my left hand. Cold, sweet, and soily; I chew and inhale long through my nose. The sun pops from behind the clouds and warmth bathes my face as I swallow. My eyelids lower and I see streaks of gold projected downward. I feel the beet land in my stomach and the light shines brighter. I shut my eyes completely and watch as bright orange saturates and morphs into magenta. I feel my heart rate increase and in the centre of my gaze a pulsing flower throbs in sync. My chin lifts. I drop my gaze, and the magenta orange switches to mint blue. I feel my veins in the soles of my feet pumping blood to my neck; my jaw unhinges and I exhale with my voice, a long haaaaaaaaaA uuuuur, the vibration bumping over a thick piece of saliva. I inhale deeply and exhale verbally again, then again until the sound waves push the sticky phlegm onto my tongue and I spit onto the skin in my right hand. Wind whistles into the room and pushes my face. The blue behind my eyes becomes wider and brighter and my eyelids slowly separate; everything is engulfed in azure. The wind pushes my face with more force. I turn to see thick cardstock paper on a table. I rise to my knees and shuffle to it, take another bite of beet, and cover the paper in the skin and magenta spit I’ve collected. I play for a moment, staining until my hand is clean, then pull away. A red mass. an organ…

My body tremors as I stand. My breath finds rhythm and moves me into introspective movement. I inhale through my nose and hold myself an inch above the pain, exhale and drop my weight into its centre. 

I inhale through my nose and experience the inner energetic field of my body. I exhale and feel the bottom of my feet rooting through floorboards and metal support beams, past concrete through cold soil until I reach deep earth. My body is a control tower where I can venture inside and touch anything in the universe. My nervous system is sharp and I sense cold air residing in my body, tightening fascia, shortening the pathway that runs from my tongue to my toes. I breathe in and locate the discomfort- a concentrated mass of nerve pulling my focus to a point between my left hip and pubic bone. I breathe out to gently press into its sour cave. The back of my tongue is sharp and I exhale deeper, contracting my spine; my eyes are closed and I see vague light. I imagine my inhale filling my bloodstream with air bubbles full of light; oxygen pumping into my stomach moving through my pylorus and intestines, enveloping heat and tension; acid evaporates, passes my throat and rolls off my tongue as I exhale. I move in a way to support this process, by curving my coccyx, spiralling and lengthening the muscles to release lactic acid like ringing a soaked towel. I continue to breathe and move until all my limbs are involved and I move beyond my full range of motion. A sharp current of high voltage travels from the ground to my head. My chest expands, I stretch my arms and elongate through my fingers. Sour fluid is released from behind my eyes into my sinus cavity and drips onto the back of my tongue down my throat contracting my stomach on its arrival, travels past my pylorus and intestines moving my bowels. A memory floods my psyche. I remember being ten, laying in bed under blankets, lights out ready to sleep. My dad enters my room holding an iPod ready to play me a new song he had found. The song is Kids by MGMT. I lay listening engulfed in ephemeral longing for feelings I could not put words to. A family of trees wanting to be haunted “A family of trees wanting to be haunted…. Do you know what that means?” I feel a specific heavy sensation when I hear that lyric, and I can place the feeling as an expansion in my chest and solar plexus. I feel a responsibility to release the congenial memories I have inherited; intense sensation manifested as dis-ease in the body. Survival tools, instinct embedded in my Dna, intuition from my parents and grandparents and all the parents before to feel to release the trauma that I have inherited. I shrink myself until I am in a cell inside of my mother’s foetus inside my nana’s womb.